Editor’s note: This post was originally posted on July 25, 2018.
Editor’s note: TLAP offers confidential assistance for lawyers, law students, and judges with substance use or mental health issues. Call or text TLAP at 1-800-343-8527 (TLAP) or find more information at tlaphelps.org.
A little over four years ago, I believed my life was over. Not because of the consequences from my drinking, but because I knew I could not go on with drinking the way I did.
But what would be the point of living if I did not have alcohol?
I am not sure if I progressed into drinking alcoholically or if I ever had control, but when I took the first drink, I had little to no control over the amount I would drink or what I would do.
I was in my last year of law school and, although I drank almost every night regardless, my only coping skill was to drink when I felt any sort of pain or anxiety. The next morning, I would always swear I would not drink that day, but by that evening, I would be in line buying wine. Not only would I continue to drink through the night, I often drove to get more alcohol or to party with other people just to not feel so alone.